Category Archives: Rants

Writing to write

  By Riley | September 15, 2010 - 5:12 pm | Rants
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It’s stuff like this that makes me miss being a student. The fact that I actually got credit for writing stuff like this makes me long to be in a writing course again…

Explorations in semantics: Analysis of single words’ ambiguities.

Maintenance is a multi-faceted word. It can refer to cleaning and upkeep. People perform maintenance on cars, bikes, grills, etc. not when they’re broken – but to keep them from becoming broken. There is preventative maintenance; flossing teeth to prevent cavities, icing muscles to prevent soreness, sweeping dust to prevent the formation of bunnies. And of course the maintenance of reputation, as many politicians know, to keep appearances. All of these uses of the word are sewn with the common thread that all things deviate.

Confidence is more than just “guts.” It’s faith, optimism, and hopefulness. Confidence is also secrecy, telling someone a personal piece of information that is not to be shared with others (read,  [see below] a confession). And of course – perhaps the most common use of the word, confidence is self-assuredness. Essentially, it’s about control and power, and whether or not you have it.

Bales of hay are bound, that is, they are tied together with string or wire. Young people can be bound for high-school or college (or jail) – they are going to these places. When something is bound to happen, its occurrence is inevitable. Athletes can go out of bounds or be bound up. It’s all about direction.

Land of the Free, Home of the Brave

  By Riley | July 12, 2010 - 11:11 pm | Rants
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Miller High Life has launched a new program in which every bottle cap or can tab that is returned will yield ten cents for the IAVA – Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America. This money, Miller claims, will help give vets a piece of the High Life. The “High Life” consists of “a variety of experiences like sports and concert tickets and other activities.”

It is great to see an existing program supporting today’s veteran’s. But really, does MillerCoors – an American beer conglomerate – really need to encourage veterans to drink at organized events upon returning home from the Middle East? For men returning to strange wives and worried families, won’t the alcohol pour itself?

Jerry Seinfeld has a joke about Raleigh cigarette coupons:

Each one is worth 1/1000th of a penny. You lose a lung trying to get a badminton set. Even if you get it you can’t play. “Cough, cough. Let’s smoke a few more packs. I can get a new birdie.”

It’s really overkill. MillerCoors’ program isn’t conducive to a healthy life. It’s causation of addiction. Vietnam Vets didn’t have this 10-cent cap program in place, but that didn’t keep thousands of men in faded jeans and tattered shirts from chain-smoking cigarettes and calling the local bar “home.”

Maybe these activities created for the vets won’t focus on drinking. I’m thinking corporate sponsorship will creep its way in, though.

it’s not news, it’s commentary

  By Sarah | July 3, 2010 - 8:35 am | Rants
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Someone once said that, but I can’t remember who. CNN and FOX News talking heads (plus many more) are not reporting news, they are providing commentary. Never forget that.

If you haven’t read this, DO IT NOW (I know it’s long, read the first page and you’ll see why he was fired.) More importantly, if you haven’t heard of it whats. wrong. with. you?

I hate those people who use the offense claiming that people have never served their country like so-and-so. It’s bullshit. This is a voluntary war. Yes, we would all be a little, OK a lot more, pissed off it there was a draft, but it doesn’t look like one is happening anytime soon.

People are giving Hastings guff about on- and off-the-record reporting. The fact that he hasn’t served his country like McChrystal did and none of them are sure what to do with the fact that a music magazine broke such a story like this. I know I hate Rolling Stone, and  I still do. And I still hate Jann Wenner. But something like this usually doesn’t come along, ever. I give it to him. But maybe just this once. Let’s see what else he can do.

Remember when I said, pay attention, what else could you be doing? This moment is kinda like that.

let the video play as you read, i promise its satisfying

  By Sarah | June 23, 2010 - 9:33 pm | Rants
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I’ve been saying this all along. The Velvet Underground IS fucking genius. And if you haven’t yet, it’s about time.

OK. I’ve been getting much more into solo Lou Reed. I recent won 100 bucks off my dad on a bet. We were talking about Lou Reed, for reasons I’m not sure why. My father has never expressed any interest let alone knowledge about the man. Which is why I won. He proceeded to promise me that Lou Reed played on a studio record with the Eagles. I’m pretty sure, if memory serves me right, that I laughed in his face. We called our phone-a-friend, my dad’s former colleague, life long friend and known-to-be genius, also my god father (not sure why I have one, also he’s the most Jewish man I will ever meet): Danny Gold. He works for the New York Times and used to edit Frank Rich. Enough said. In a nut, I was right. I am a Coney Island Baby.

Preferably tied for first with Wilco, but that remains to be seen, the Velvet Underground is IT. The beginning of punk, housing four original geniuses, the biggest asshole in music history (we love you Lou) and the greatest (chick) drummer EVER. period.

Check out All Songs Considered. As from the first link above, they have interns review classic records said interns have never heard before. (Can you even imagine never hearing your personal favorite and getting to hear it for the first time over again? It must be like magic.) As you’ll guess, it was the first, The Velvet Underground & Nico, the most OVERRATED of all VU records but still you cannot ignore it. Either way, keep up with All Songs Considered. They are no underground like Pitchfork (they’re hiring!) and they aren’t the new rave of national breaking news (ahem rollingstone.com, that shit is real, at least for now.) I’d call it a middle ground. After their ‘Best Opening Tracks’ show, they asked for listeners’ favorite closing tracks. I was too late to join to mention that my favorite is Oh! Sweet Nuthin on Loaded, but at least I’m getting it out here.

All I’m saying here is– it’s never too late to get into the Velvets. And, if you’re ready for some real emotional discourse and disturbance, Lou Reed himself. Warning, it gets strange.

eww

  By Sarah | June 21, 2010 - 8:05 am | Rants
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Here is another reason to hate, or just contemplate, Lady Gaga. I know she’s well educated- Tisch school at NYU and all- but that doesn’t make me like her more. My sister loves her as does my brother-in-law. That makes me hate her even more because they are two of the smartest people I know. I don’t get the fad. But when I saw this article this AM on one of the greatest blogs, I figured I’d share it. I’ve never seen the telephone video. I’ve had it described to me and almost reenacted by said sister, but I have no desire to watch it.

Many artists of the past have changes their appearances just for shock value, and for stranger reasons (ahhem Michael Jackson- its almost the one year anny. of his death-weird!) but that doesn’t make her more like great artists of the past. Or does it? I mean Madonna did it. (Maybe in future decades Gaga will bring us religion crazes too?) I know Lady Gaga can make a great pop song that ya’ll enjoy while dancing in whatever club you go dancing in- but her crazy behavior should make you think a little more than usual, right? I don’t get the face hiding and the Kermit the Frog dress and I don’t get that crazy look in her eye. Maybe someone can explain it one day.

Until then, whose in??

A Direct Correlation: Parents and Water

  By Scott | April 22, 2010 - 7:26 am | Rants
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Don’t let me come off as bitter, even though I am. Take a look at your beautiful Ithaca College ID. There’s picture of a lush, wet fountain on it. Now think back to orientation. A lush, wet fountain was the centerpiece of the campus. It’s April 21st, almost April 22nd. Now look at the fountain. How ‘bout that gray concrete?

how they OUGHT to look

What’s up with that? It’s been warm enough recently, and I bet the following weeks will only get better! Slut Day has come and gone, which is usually a solid indicator of Ithaca’s weather. On the other hand, despite the sun and temperatures not in the 30s, Ithaca College will not pump those fountains full of water until all the mothers and fathers enter the campus for either prospective students or to see their dumb kids graduate. Yeah that’s right. The money walks on campus and all of a sudden the fountains are alive again.

Ithaca College, you better step it up. Consider Slut Day the opening for the fountains. Not the green of parents’ cash and May’s pollen-ridden leaves.

Welcome Back

  By Jordan | April 18, 2010 - 8:30 am | Archives, Rants, Reviews
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On the eve of his brand-new stage show, hilariously titled-“Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour,” TBS announced that it has reached a deal with Conan O’Brien to headline his own late night show starting in November.  Obviously, I had many reactions upon hearing the news, and I am sure that you all did as well.  Here were my initial quick-hit reactions:

1. First and foremost, Conan O’Brien will be back, being funny on television again.  We all win.

2. Brilliant move for Conan and for TBS.  Conan’s brand of humor (bits, sarcasm,etc.) never quite felt right on The Tonight Show stage.  Part of what made Conan so successful on “Late Night” was the freedom he had to push the envelope and do comedy he wanted to do.  When he moved into the earlier time slot, NBC pulled him in quite a bit.  Why hand over the most successful franchise in television to a rising star and then force him to alter his style?

3. On TBS, Conan will have the freedom to be as edgy as he wants, and will have complete control over his show and its content.  A great move for Conan, but also for TBS.

4. Conan will be a success no matter what the numbers say.  No he will not get the ratings of Letterman or Leno or probably even Kimmel.  But is that what he is going for?  TBS is a cable network, reaches less homes, and does not have the late-night pedigree.  Conan will no doubt draw bigger rating than “Lopez Tonight” has for TBS and will be a huge winner over other cable networks showing re-runs of old sitcoms.  Conan will massively improve TBS ratings and that is how his success should be measured.  This is not about Conan vs NBC or CBS or FOX.  This is just about Conan getting a chance to be funny on television again.

5. Conan O’Brien is the comedy voice of the younger generation and this move shows how much he understands that.  He gets to go to a smaller, cable network, do whatever comedy he wants, and be as edgy as he wants.  NBC’s average audience that watches The Tonight Show is almost 60 years old, TBS’ average audience is 33.  Conan understands what demographic gets him and what demographic finds him sophomoric.  With this move, Conan is embracing his young following, and will no doubt be embraced by them once again.

6. I love the “COCO is with us” commercials currently running on TBS.

I guess that is all I have for Conan right now.  I know that many more of you who follow our little blog are Conan fans.  What do you guys think of this move?  Clearly, I like it.  Can’t wait to see the Walker Texas Ranger lever make its return!

Quick Hit List of things that annoy me

  By Jordan | March 1, 2010 - 11:29 pm | Food & Drink, Rants, Reviews
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Here are a list of things that have been annoying me lately:

-People bitching on their facebook status about snow

-People constantly updating their facebook status (how about instead of doing that 8 times a day, you get a life instead? just a thought)

-People who write long statuses and or notes on facebook in which they try to bring up serious topics and seem wise (instead of seeming wise, you seem quite, quite douchey)

-People who end their sentences with questions.  I’m trying to have a conversation, not be interrogated here.

-Everyone overusing the word “extreme.”  How is everything extreme?  It makes no sense people, I doubt that my  deodorant is  extreme, but the label says it is.

-Night classes

-Bandwagon fans who all of a sudden love sports teams that they cannot name more than one player on (yes, USA hockey fans, I am talking to ALL of you)

-People who break up and get back together all the time (just pick something and stick to it, you aren’t Ross and Rachel)

-People whose only source of humor is quoting movies, let’s get some original material people.

And finally, my number one pet peeve lately………………

-2nd Floor letting TONS of underage kids in.  Has anyone else noticed this?  When we were younger we had to wait to get into the bars, now that sleazy bouncer at 2nd floor (you all know who Im talking about) is letting all these underage kids in.  It makes the bar more crowded and makes it harder to get a drink (it’s already hard enough at 2nd floor as they have the SLOWEST bartenders in all of Ithaca, hey bartenders stop hiring your girlfriend and hire people who know how to make a damn drink and be snappy about it!). Plus as someone who is of legal age, seeing the annoying juniors in the bar who think they are soooo cool because they are in the bar drives me to drink even more which wouldn’t be a problem if I could get a damn drink in that bar.

That’s what is annoying me this week.  What’s annoying you?  Comments people, let’s make this a weekly thing.

Scarves- Why they bother me

  By Jordan | February 15, 2010 - 11:56 pm | Contributors, Rants
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I talk a lot.  A lot about how I am going to write all these exciting new rants.  Guess I talk a little too much.  Instead of dwelling on the past though, let’s get into yet another one of my pet peeves.

Can someone please tell me when the hell scarves became a fashionable accessory?  I first started noticing this disturbing trend during the spring of my senior year in high school.  This one girl who I already did not like at all, started wearing scarves every single day, even though it was now spring and winter (when scarves are usually worn) had come and gone.  This girl however did not just wear any old scarf.  Instead, she chose to accessorize her outfit each day with a matching scarf.  I imagined her closet having an electronic tie rack only filled with obnoxious, multi-colored scarves.  Why would someone feel this would be a good fashion movement?  Yeah man, I wanna go drape cloth over my neck.  Why?  Oh cuz that will be cool, I can get some decent neck sweat going and show everyone how much of a giant tool I am that I actually spend time in the morning picking out a scarf, I’m wearing yellow today because there is yellow writing in my shirt, see it matches.  PUHHH-LEAZEEEE

If this girl and her constant shuffling of scarves (how annoying is this word to write) not enough, I then came to Ithaca.  There are about as many scarves here as liberals.  But why, oh why, do I have this hatred for scarves.  Do I associate them with the girl who I did not like and her scarf fetish?  That cannot be the reason, I would never let one person ruin an entire peace of clothing for me.  I think I don’t like that wearing and accessorizing scarves has turned into this fad that is now everywhere.  (We can have a fun time on this site counting down the 10 dumbest fads of the last decade.  Do you smell that?  I think it’s a future article)

Back to the point at hand though friends, and that is the wretched scarf.  I know that ladies think they are trendy and cool with their scarves, but I cannot disagree more.  You aren’t trendy or cool, you’re just following.  I allow scarf wearing when the weather calls for it (and hey, that’s a lot of the time in Ithaca, NY), but why do these girls keep their scarves on once inside the moderate temperatures of a building.  That is what I do not like.  Sure, wear a scarf when it’s cold out, hell wear two.  But when you are inside (or when it is the spring!) what’s with the scarves?  They aren’t performing their primary function, they are just there as window dressing.

No matter what though, I have accepted that this fad is not going away.  I am only one man and there is not much I can do to rebel against the army of scarves I pass every day.

All I can do is rant about it.  I guess that will have to do.  Enjoy your scarves oh trendy ones.