1. Awkward Elevator chatter- You are in the elevator, someone else gets in.  You each exchange an awkward glance.  Then the obligatory weather reference (Why does everyone in the working world reference the weather?)  ”How about that weather?  You see that rain?”  Of course I saw the damn rain, I walked in the same time as you which is why we are sharing this freakin elevator.  The alternative to this annoying chatter: Looking down at the cell phone and fake texting until the nightmare ends.

2. People who walk slow: Look people, when I walk, I walk with a purpose.  I am trying to get somewhere and I have shit to do.  Don’t fuckin meander on the street and take your sweet ass time youre standing between me and my destination.  I’m trying to get shit done and you are taking your leisurely time completely oblivious.

3. Hipsters: I really hate you.  I hate your weird hippie music, I hate your G-d awful fashion statements and I hate your awkward, giggly and philosophical humor.  (I also hate NYU as it is basically a hipster breeding factory). Also your so-called mellow nature and un-caring attitude.  No you don’t care how you look, you just take 35 minutes to pick out a matching beanie, scarf, whitty political t-shirt and plaid-ish pants to wear along with your Chuck Taylors.  Not to mention some retarded wrist cuffling that serves absolutely no purpose and looks like a G-d damn tracking device.  And no, I do not care what weird band is on your i-pod or what socially awkward encounter you just had, just leave me the hell alone and go back to the east village.

4. The Miami Heat and Lebron James: Nuff said.

5. Habitual Facebook status updaters.  Do you really think I have any interest in what your take is on every single pop culture phenomenon?  Or that I want to look at a mobile upload of your dog wearing a santa hat? On my news-feed there are a few frequent offenders who update their status all the time and are the constant butt of jokes between my friends and I.  I counted, one such abuser updated his status 24 times in one day! 24 times?!?!  I am sure that your life as an unemployed, single degenerate is fascinating, but I do not care what song you have “bumping” at the moment, I do not care that you are “rolling to your boys crib to spark some good shit” or that “oh shit, check out what I just did in iphoto.”  You wreak of desperation and if you are so bored that you are updating your status 24 times in one day, I can only imagine how many times you are masturbating.

There are a lot of other things I have to discuss, but it is time for me to make another drink so the fun ends here sadly.  In the last six months I have moved to Los Angeles, started working full time in the movie industry, and embarked on my life post-college.  It has been a fun ride and one that I am eager to share with my friends at thacant.  To Brian and Sarah: my apologies for making you blog alone for this time and for failing to keep in touch properly.  I was at Pendelton a few weeks ago and issues of The Ithacan’t are still hanging up.  If that’s not more important than what some douche can do in iphoto, I don’t know what is.

Damn, it feels good to be back

you tell me!

A lot of things go by different names depending where you are. Is it a bubbler or a water fountain? Trash or rubbish? Soda or Pop? This one might just take the cake, though. Sub? Grinder? Hoagie? Hero?

before

after

What’s the matter? You’ve never poked spaghetti through a hot dog and cooked it?!

Here are the originals…christmas tree, the phone call (maybe the best one), make your mother proud, and I’m pretty sure it all started with Jackie and Debra….

I’ve noticed many fellow pedestrians are reluctant to cross the street when a car is coming. They’ll wait for all cars to pass, then advance. I guess I’m audacious when I don’t break stride going from the path next to the pond to the parking lot. Doing this has caused a lot of drivers to honk at me, swerve and give me the finger, or get their car spit on.

Driver’s ignorance has made me so upset and fearful for my own safety that I’ve considered stopping at Public Safety and requesting that a sign be put in the crosswalk. Then, I realized, I’m a driver too. I stop for pedestrians in crosswalks – hell, I’m one myself most of the time. Calling attention to the intersection of Farm and GEB wouldn’t be helping anyone – it would just be getting more drivers in trouble on a campus where, when you’re behind the wheel, you better hope a campus cop isn’t anywhere near and that he has no reason to pull you over.

What’s going on here? The ignorant drivers aren’t the problem. And besides, it’s fun, as a pedestrian, to exercise control over a car.

For the most part, things were fine for the beginning of Obama’s term. It wasn’t until this past fall that I noticed things going sour. Among the first events that made me unsure of the state of civilization was the crashing of the White House Dinner. This Northern Virginia couple (last name Salahi) somehow got through metal detectors and security screenings ad eventually made their way into the same room as Obama. Pictures on Facebook show them posing with Joe Biden and Katie Couric. I feel uneasy when there are guests I don’t know in my house, and I live in a drab apartment with holes in the wall. How did these folks get into the White House?

Salahi & Salahi

Alas, I move on. Christmas Day brought us a terrorist who carried explosives sewn into his underwear. The terrorist who tried to ignite explosives in his shoe several years ago is now aptly known as the Shoe Bomber. Did this Scrooge who tried to ruin Christmas ever think of his fate had he not succeeded with his attack? The Underwear Bomber?! And, what’s more – didn’t our friends at MTV warn us of the dangers of explosives sewn into underwear when Dallas Grimes (voice of Demi Moore) planted a virus into the lining of Beavis’ shorts, leaving him surrounded by armed secret servicemen and leaving Butthead asking, “uh, can I have a gun?”

More recently, things at NBC have been going downhill. NBC wants to move Jay Leno back to the 11:35 time slot, which would push Conan O’Brien back to 12:05. In my opinion, and the opinion of every person I’ve spoken to regarding this matter, it is idiotic. I have a lot to say about this, but allow to to succinctly quote a letter from Conan to NBC: “The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show.”

Lastly… I found something startling when I last visited Wegmans… behold!

dear god!

L'egget outta here!

Sure, it doesn’t seem like much that a few of the frozen food bins are empty, but this is lack of frozen breakfast treats is just a cog in the greater system that is our economy. It’s a scary thing when the most popular breakfast treat (aside from cereal, let’s be honest here) from age six to fourteen is the victim of national shortage. I wasn’t sure of it before, but now I know… things are bad.

Here’s to a brighter remainder of 2010.

Shit! Did I mention that earthquake in Haiti?

that ain't normal!

head for the high ground!

“Why do you have so much alcohol in the house?” “I like to drink.” (My dad to my cousin)

“What’s a Hannah Montana?” (My grandfather)

“What is that? E-mail on your cell phone? i just use mine for phone calls. I don’t do that text messaging. Is that what it’s called? The whole thing is too much for me.” (My grandfather again, he will appear a lot in this section)

“Yeah, it’s nice to see everyone again…I definitely need a drink though.” (My brother)

“Should we just order chinese or is that too cliche? Jews ordering Chinese on Christmas?” (My brother)

Yesterday I came across a documentary called “Don’t You Forget About Me.”  This was a documentary made about the impact of John Huhges teen movies in the 80s by four canadian “filmmakers” (and I use that term loosely) who set out to find and speak to the great John Hughes and fail miserably.  While I watched this documentary and enjoyed most of it, I found myself noticing how the four producers must have been film kids in college.  Certain traits just pop out.  As a TV kid (a television-radio major) often times we get lumped in with film kids, and often times we take exception to it.  It’s not that I have anything against film kids, I have some good friends who are film kids, it’s just that film kids and tv kids are quite different. (How many times did I say kid in that sentence? I was aiming for five)  In my opinion (again, this is probably a tad biased, and all film kids please do not take offense), film majors seem to be more pretentious, more “filmy” (if that makes sense) and with an unwarranted sense of superiority.  For some reason film kids seem to look down on the tv kids as not as serious and think the work they produce is better.  In some cases sure, but I know that this semester, tv kids produced some great work (Check out Almost College, seriously, you will not regret it…ictv.org/Almostcollege)….This leads me back to my thesis that film kids are just a little more out there, and a little pretentious in the way they carry themselves and approach their work. Often times over my years in Park I have turned to a fellow TV student and said “I’m so glad I’m not a film kid.”  And I am.  I think that TV and FIlm kids are inherently different.  We are more understated in our creativity and love of entertainment.  We are more down to earth, we approach things differently, and maybe, just maybe, do not take it AS seriously.  You can walk through park and see a film kid and KNOW he or she is a film kid.  They just have that way about them.  It’s just the way it is.  Maybe I have just been around Park too much this semester.  Who knows.  Either way, Happy new year to all TV kids, all film kids, and everyone in general.

the original

I fall in love with the New Yorker on a daily basis via David Denby’s writing, surprise visits from David Sedaris and of course their cartoons. They are having a contest of sorts for people to craft their own Eustace Tilley.

You can read about the Eustace here, or enter or check out past winners, two of which are below.