Thacant

Every week I grab the Ithaca Times, and with each page I turn I am disappointed. You’d think I’d stop grabbing it and just read something more intellectual – something more ‘Cake’ or ‘Ants in the Kool-Aid’ – but no, I grab the Times. With exceptional artwork gracing the cover each week, the random question asked to pedestrians on the commons (“How has Michael Jackson’s death influenced your life?”), and the monopolization of the domain ithaca.com – how could I not grab such an astute publication…

Well that’s all the Ithaca Times really is – the rest is updates about how the Farmer’s Market is over, but events still go on there during the winter. Or that there are so many gorges, ethnic restaurants, and people on welfare around town. We know all this. The paper bores me.

But I get home for Thanksgiving and I pick up the Springfield Union News. Not the noblest of papers, but there are always some interesting stories – human interest stories…

Like Miley Cyrus’ bus driver, you hear about this guy? Somewhere in Virginia, his bus overturned and while he was pinned in some wreckage he had a heart attack and died. Come on Ithaca Times, this isn’t local news… you can report on this too!

Or this guy in the UK (England) – while camping with his wife, he strangled her. What’s incredible is that he was found innocent for her death because he attacked her during a nightmare. “Sophisticated tests” conducted by sleep experts rule that the man is insane and suffers from automatism – a sleep disorder “where his mind has no control over his body.”

Sometimes I do things where my mind has no control over my body. Although, it often involves beer. That’s neither here nor there…

But anyways – back to hating on the Ithaca Times… where is your story on this crazy British guy? After the strangulation, he called 999 (apparently that’s the British 911 – let’s hope I’m never entailed in an emergency in the UK), and he told police that his wife was dead and that she wasn’t responding – he didn’t even know what he had done. This is good news.