Hoarding

We all know someone who might be a hoarder. They can’t pass up a good deal. They’ll buy another one before using the one they’ve got. They can’t part with things. They’ll use it, they promise. Yeah, yeah, save it for someone who cares. They accumulate, accumulate, accumulate.

Here’s the revelatory list. You might be a hoarder if…

10. You keep extra “Fire” packets from Taco Bell, in case you want to spice up some food at home.

fire bad

9. You have more than one bottle of conditioner open at a time.

8. You have more than two piles of dirty laundry.

7. You need to follow narrow paths in the carpet to get from one place to the next.

stacks

6. You’ve noticed that parts of the bread are moldy. (“Some of it can be salvaged though,” you’re thinking. No. It can’t).

5. You keep something with no sentimental value that’s broken: “Hey man, I had to borrow a pen, but it wasn’t working, so then I tried another one I saw right next to it, and that one didn’t have any ink in it either. What’s up with that?” / “Oh, did you get it from my windowsill? Because that’s where I keep my dead pens.”

4. You always have something to blow your nose with. Often, it is either used, crumpled up in a tight ball, and from a fast food joint.

3. You have more than two flavors of cream cheese in your fridge. Both are opened and one is beginning to mold.

ehh

2. You collect “collections.”

1. You are oblivious of the shows Hoarding: Buried Alive and Hoarders.

Raffle! Time to Comment!

Hambelly

Tipsi Pepsi Topsi

Circles Lead to Nowhere.

While creating this post, I remembered a commercial from a while back, maybe two or three years ago. In the ad, a spokesperson informs us consumers that some condition – I think it’s high blood pressure, is determined by two things: genetics and diet. The imagery for the ad assists in marrying this concept. Different family members are shown with plates of food, which look like themselves. The one image I recall is a robust woman in yellow clothing with a lot of makeup holding a meatloaf with a slice of pineapple on top. There were a few other pictures – a grandfather was likened to a platter of pigs-in-a-blanket or something like that… My question is DOES ANYONE ELSE REMEMBER THIS AD?

And if so, can you find it online? If you find it, or if you can help me recall the name of the medication, YOU WIN! That’s right, five dollar bill, in the mail, to your address. Cheers.

Heart Attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack

Friendly’s Restaurant has released a new behemoth of a sandwich. In the television commercial featuring the Grilled Cheese Burger Melt, a man is teasing a woman with the sandwich, finally giving her a bite. Gone are the days when a grilled cheese sandwich could be enhanced with pieces of ham and a cup of soup; now the grilled cheese has become the bun for a beef pattie and toppings.

friendly's

It’s difficult to think that this sandwich was not inspired by KFC’s Double Down, a sandwich with bacon, cheese, and Colonel’s sauce with two pieces of fried chicken replacing the bun, a sandwich that received a lot of criticism when it came out several months ago.

double down

These novel sandwiches/heart attacks on a plate are nothing new though. Burger King has been offering the BK Stacker, a standard burger which can be tailored to the customers liking by the addition of more patties. The menu features double, triple and quad stackers, but if you request any amount of patties, they’ll make it for you. John McCall of East Longmeadow, Mass. Got himself an Octo-stacker:

food coma induction

But the one restaurant that always seems to be offering the newest latest greatest sandwich is Wendy’s. These sandwiches never seem to stay on the menu too long – or at least not in the spotlight. But what’s really funny is that they are listed on the website as “Old-Fashioned Hamburgers.”

Wendy’s features the ¾ lb. Triple with Cheese, the Bacon Deluxe Triple, and perhaps my favorite idiomatic term for a burger, the Baconator. When I think Old Fashioned sandwiches, I think a pattie on bread with lettuce and tomato.

At 1500 calories, the Grilled Cheese Burger Melt may be the most likely new sandwich to induce a heart-attack. But, if you’re looking to take in calories from something that’s been around for a while, reach for a Whopper. The triple with cheese has 1250 calories.

classic

Once you take a bite, though, you won’t care about how many calories are in it. It is, after all, the greatest burger available in fast food.

Food Quandaries

Why don’t olives and cherries taste similar? They both have pits.

French Toast is just bread and eggs. Why don’t we put maple syrup on scrambled eggs and toast? Or salt and pepper on French Toast?

Is BBQ sauce vegan?

If bread can be buttered, can it also be mayonnaised?

How do microwaves – even ovens – work?

Nothing Beats Bourdain’s Candor

I’m planning to see Anthony Bourdain speak in a few weeks.
“Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans, are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn. To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living. Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit, and an affront to all I stand for, the pure enjoyment of food. The body, these waterheads imagine, is a temple that should not be polluted by animal protein. It’s healthier, they insist, though every vegetarian waiter I’ve worked with is brought down by any rumor of a cold. Oh, I’ll accommodate them, I’ll rummage around for something to feed them, for a ‘vegetarian plate’, if called on to do so. Fourteen dollars for a few slices of grilled eggplant and zucchini suits my food cost fine.” From Kitchen Confidential, p. 70.

If he comes to a city near you (which he probably will), check him out.

mmmmm… vegetables

Most of you, our readers, are meat eaters. Which I am fine with. Sometimes people apologize to vegetarians for eating meat in front of them, or preparing it around them, but there is no need to apologize. As long as you don’t force it upon me, we’re good.

But I am going to propose a little something to you. First of all, check this out.

GOOD magazine did 10 Best Foods for Your Looks. Notice, none of these are meats. One of them is fish. Providing you with natural vitamins to fight the evils of the world, fresh fruits and vegetables, olive oil and walnuts (my favorite nut, note) can do things for you that you never thought they could (if you had thought about it.)

Here is what I’m proposing. If you aren’t a vegetarian, I am not asking you to never eat meat again. Try a week of it. Remember our friend Nate Scull? He made a New Year’s resolution to be a vegan and it stuck since. So who knows what can happen. If you refuse to not not eat meat, then just go without it for a week, see how you feel. People like my grandmother are baffled at what the other option is if there is no meat involved. Let me tell you, there’s plenty. Give it a whirl, try something new. No pressure.

Also, if you like making fun of TWILIGHT, read this. It’s hysterical.

among other things…twinkies

I had to eat a Twinkie once. Actually, I was forced to eat one. I said I had never had one. I ate it and I haven’t had one since. It was gross. Ninth grade: Human Biology. Mrs. Russell was using a Twinkie as a metaphor to the structure of a bone in the human body. Yes, we all know that the bone isn’t quite as soft as the dessert, but it was a nice analogy between the two structures. Every time Twinkies come up I always think of that. I guess it worked.

So why this? Well, GOOD magazine as always is providing us with incite. If you are trying to eat healthy, which you should be, maybe you can still be eating Twinkies for there are only seven, yes SEVEN, ingredients in them. And there’s quite a picture show to go along with it. Mary just informed me that during World War II there were food rations and there was a shortage of bananas, so the filling became vanilla creme instead of banana cream and has stuck inside ever since. Now there’s your fun fact of the day.

When people tell me that they use Pandora I usually scoff and then question their motives. Let this be a small reminder as to why you shouldn’t be selling your CDs, vinyl or cassettes (yes, people still use and need those tapes.) Not only does this story scare me as a radio jock, but it makes me want to smack people into being able to find their own music instead of having it just handed to them. Does anyone remember music magazines and radio?

Last but not least (at all) READ THIS. It will blow your mind and maybe scare you a bit.

New Years Resolutions

I’ve finally decided what my resolutions for the remainder of the year will be. Yes, I know it’s almost the second week of 2010, but I’ve been using the last twelve days as a test run, to make sure I can sustain my intention for the next forty-nine and two-seventh’s weeks.

1. To eat inorganic

2. To not waste time

3. To clear the snow off my entire car

1. To eat inorganic. With all this hoo-ha and jibber-jabber about buying local, shopping organic and being aware of where our food comes from, I’m going the opposite direction. It’s not that i don’t care about my well-being or that I want to eat poorer quality food, it’s that I’m a college student. With the exception of some produce (organic onions cost the same as equally-delicious pesticide-sprayed onions), most organic food costs a lot more. Take this chicken I bought at Wegmans…

ba-gahh

The cost: $3.95. Wegmans also sells an organic chicken ($9.85) and an organic free-range chicken raised on an Ithaca Farm. As delicious as that sounds, the hefty price tag ($13.45) made me wonder, “how much better does this chicken taste?”

I do understand the merits of eating organic. I have yet to see Food Inc. (ignorance is bliss…) but I do know that I’m more susceptible to disease, inection, what-have-you. If it’s served to me, or on someone else’s dime, I’ll eat organic, but if it’s gonna dent my wallet, inorganic is the way I’m going.

2. To not waste time. I spend a lot of time on the internet – I won’t deny that. But I don’t think this is a waste. Allow me to break down my time spent on the internet: 50% of my time is spent on the websites you see linked on the right margin of this site. All of these sites are informative, entertaining, and hell, they provide great conversation-started topics. Another 20% of my time is spent checking, responding to or crafting humorous e-mails. Another 20% of my time is spent on Facebook, creeping on people like you, (Aaron, Erica, Alexander…) but half of my Faceboxing time is spent playing Bejewled Blitz – which, after a long day of internetting, is therapeutic. The other 10% is spent on AIM, oftentimes sending links to aforementioned sites.

That being said, the only time wasted is the non-therapeutic time spent on Facebook (a mere 10%)

d'oh!

I also spend a lot of time sleeping, too , but my doctor said it helps me grow.

3. To clear the snow of my entire car. As I was driving back from Wegmans to buy my reasonably-priced aforementioned chicken, I saw a white car with a clean windshield and rear window, but a cube of snow on the roof… Idiotic, really. What’s worse is when it flies off the car once you go more than twenty-five miles an hour – especially if it’s frozen over and it flies off in huge sheets.

eedeeott

Really, it’s not hard to run the snow-brush over the top of the car and the hood. Granted, this resolution is seasonal, but ’til spring I guarantee the Volvo will be clean on the roads.

Happy New Years to you, I know mine will be.