“Fat people aren’t ticklish. I’m convinced,” Ithaca College senior Brian Ivory states.
There’s a ticklish center the IMC major states. Fat people do have it, but it is deeper in the core, several inches of fat layers away from where any tickle-fingers could reach it.
Look, here’s a skinny person like me or you:
green represents ticklish core
But a fat person has about a foot that the tickle neurons would have to travel to illicit a squirm or giggle:
at LEAST a foot
After months of swatting flies with a sneaker and leaving dead insect smears marring the view from his apartment’s bay windows, Senior Curt Bell has decided to take a more civil approach to ridding bugs.
Spending the summer in an apartment with holey screens allowed Bell to practice his attack, which left the broad window shaking and roommates fearing him punching right through it.
“I thought for sure we’d have to replace the window – all so Curt can have the satisfaction of killing a fly,” roommate Brian Ivory stated in his regard for Bell’s ferocity.
As the dead bugs on the window seemed to attract more bugs, the apartment as a whole decided that Bell must stop using his sneaker – a size 12 Jordan – to swat the bugs. John Davis, Bell’s roommate and Environmental Studies major urged Bell to stop killing them, and steer them outside the door, to let them live in nature.
“Yeah, right, DOG,” Bell responded last night, as he slammed a glass on top of a fly, trapping it on the coffee table.
trapped, dead
Bell left it there until the next morning, when he remembered that he did in fact, actually conquer the feat of trapping a fly, and found it dead under the glass.
epic
Measuring an astounding fourteen inches, it’s among the largest to be caught this season.
Also found under the surface was a Zona can and a lot of cigarette butts.
More alarming, though, was an aforementioned townie who decided to bring his pet snake to the gorge for the day.
A few problems with this: Don’t carry something that a large amount of people are terrified of. I’m not bringing my pet gun or a clown in public.
What if he let’s go? Snakes swim, and I bet they do so faster than me, especially while I’m panicking.
Thirdly, while he took a break from cooling off his snake, and retreated to the aforementioned rocks, I didn’t see the snake. That’s not to say he didn’t put it in a cage, I wasn’t watching too attentively – I was hunting lobsters – but when I see a guy playing with a snake in water, then see him, snakeless, smoking on a rock while I’m swimming, I get a little frightened.
If you’ve read down this far, I’ll tell you a secret – the lobster is really just a crayfish.
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